No words, really.

So, here goes.  This is probably a bit whiny in parts, but I feel the need to get this off my chest. What better place than the internet, right?  Once it gets put on here, it's forever.  Like herpes.

I have no words to express how sad I am right now.  Yes, I know it's kind of stupid for me to say that, since I'm putting words in this little draft box as we speak/read.  I also have a huge bundle of other emotions fighting for supremacy in the intricate workings of my inner psyche...proud, overjoyed, happy, nervous, terrified, paralyzed with fear...but I am overwhelmingly sad, so that particular part of my emotions must be kicking total butt right now in the whole "I'm King of the hill" pile o' feelings.

My youngest is moving to college next week.  But that's great, you say.  And it is.  I am SO PROUD of this young man.  He is killing it.  Junior college honor graduate, Who's Who Among American Junior Colleges, Associate of Arts, Phi Theta Kappa, computer science major.  But at the same time, I am sad.

I totally understand that this is typical Empty Nest and that it's the whole circle of life thing (cue the Lion King music).  Every parent that ever cared about their children has gone through this particular stage in development, the stage where your children are all of a sudden grown overnight and out doing their own things and you're left with a mini-van and a pantry full of juice boxes wondering what the heck just happened.

Things are a little bit different in my situation than they are for a lot of parents.  And no, I don't think I'm special and therefore it must be hitting me harder than it does everyone else.  They really are different from the norm.

Okay, I'm rambling now.  Time to get to the point.

My youngest was diagnosed with Addison's disease when he was 12 years old. (Learn about Addison's Disease Here)  He had been ill two years before that, and by the time he was diagnosed, he was VERY sick.  We almost lost him twice during what we know now was Addisonian Crisis.  It was a scary time.  It took years for him to get regulated on steroids.  He did part of his junior high and all of his high-school education homebound and online, all while having sick days and hospital visits. Gradually, the sick days became fewer and the hospital visits became less.  He wound up graduating a year early, and by the time he entered junior college, he was able to go back to campus.  Luckily, the junior college is not far from our home, so he still lived here during that time.

I remember how it was in the early days of Addison's.  He was so sick.  He tried to stay in school at first, but it didn't last long.  He collapsed one morning and had to be rushed to the hospital.  He was at home after that.  If it had not taken so long to get him diagnosed, things would probably have been different.  But primary Addison's in children is rare.  Yes, JFK had it, and, yes, he became president. (Read about how sick JFK REALLY was Here.)

All that is water under the bridge now.  He is regulated fairly well for the most part with his Addison's and is able to live pretty much a normal life as long as he takes his steroids and has safeguards in place for any setbacks.  All is right in the world, eh?  Well, it was until the latest autoimmune monster reared it's ugly head.

In November, Youngest was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  Holy crapbaskets.  In the last seven years, we had mastered Addison's, kicked it's arse, and now here was T1D to remind us that no, we are not in control, and no, we have not truly mastered anything.

It's like starting from square one all over again.  Like getting to the other side of the checker board and waiting to be king-ed but instead the opponent slamming all the pieces off the board, picking it up, and smacking you in the head with it.

Now he's moving to a new college, with a new monster to dominate at the same time.  And he will dominate it.  Of that I have no doubt.

Why couldn't all this have happened to me instead?  Why does he have to deal with this while also trying to deal with everything else becoming an adult entails at the same time?  My Faith says there is a reason, though we may not see it yet.

Since November, we have begun to learn this new normal.  Insulin injections, finger sticks, continuous glucose monitors, carb counting, and coming soon an insulin pump of his very own.  It's overwhelming, to say the least.  This is where the problem comes in, for me, anyway.

I'm the type of person who does her best to fully educate herself when something new comes along.  I scour the Internet, join every Facebook group I think could be helpful, talk to every person in the know that I can.  I look for books (usually something ending with "for Dummies").  I've tried to learn something new about Type I Diabetes every day over the last several months.  The problem is, it's not really my job anymore.  It's his job now.

I don't really like that it's not my job.

See, in my mind, I still see that 12 year old boy.  I was such an important part of keeping him healthy back then.  We were together 24/7.  When he was sick, I was there.  When he was afraid, I was there. When he wanted a whole bag of Doritos and that was the only thing in the Northern Hemisphere I could get him to eat, I was there.  It was my job to be there whenever he needed me, and I did the best I could to always do that.  I oriented my entire life around his health.

He doesn't need me to do that anymore.

He is 19 now, and perfectly capable of establishing his own new normal and dealing with his own issues.  Do I always agree with how he does things?  No, of course not.  We moms always think we can do things better and more efficiently, and we have a habit of trying to tell them how to do everything.  They aren't always happy with us when we try to help them.  Nagging, they call it.

Things can get downright ugly sometimes when you are trying too hard to be helpful.

I do try too hard to help, I know that.  Guys trying to transition into adults don't like that.  I know the best thing for me to do is to fade into the background and just be there when needed, but, man, is that difficult.  I became a mother 28 years ago, and you don't cut those apron strings easily.  Well, if it's a 28 year old apron string, it's probably rotten and will just rip in two.  Okay, that was a bad analogy. The point is, it's hard to let go.  Letting go makes me sad.

Letting go makes me sad.

He's moving to college next week.  Hopefully he has space in his trunk for his piece of my heart, because he's taking it with him.

We Built a TARDIS.

I've been wanting to do a proper blog post about our adventures in TARDIS building.  Yes...we built a full-size TARDIS.  It was a labor of love...an extremely large labor of love that happens to be blue and travels through time and space.  You would assume TARDIS building is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a nonlinear, nonsubjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey....stuff.  I'll start with the disclaimers, and then give you a little background.

DISCLAIMER:  FIRSTLY -- We are not professionals.....not even close to being experts on woodworking or building in general.  Heck, we aren't even that good at being amateurs.  We just had a passion for a project and the determination to see it through.  SECONDLY -- We never meant this project to be canon to a specific doctor or really canon at all.  It was all custom created at the whim of what our son wanted on his TARDIS.  THIRDLY -- We don't have the money to put thousands into a TARDIS build.  We build the best TARDIS we could as inexpensively as we could.  We only splurged on a few key items.

This adventure all began when we found out our 16 year old son was graduating a year early and is a senior this year.  We are so proud of him!  Our son has Addison's Disease, diabetes, and several other complications arising from that.  He has been medically homebound and going to school online for his entire high school career.  He is an awesome guy (yes I'm biased) and never asks for much of anything.

We began discussing getting senior portraits done.  He wanted to do something special that had never been done around here before.  Something different.  Something amazing.  It was then that he decided he would like to have a TARDIS in his pictures.  What a great idea!!!

I actually looked into finding one to rent, but there aren't any around here.  In a flash of inspiration, I announced to my husband, "Let's build a TARDIS!"  My husband is always a good sport about everything, so he simply agreed.  Hence, the idea was born.  I know how bad we are at procrastination, so I set a time frame of two months to have our TARDIS done.  Now..where to start?

Meet our template.  My son's favorite doctor is Matt Smith, and he loves Matt Smith's TARDIS.  He wanted his to be modeled after #11's.  

There are great websites to get ideas, such as www.tardisbuilders.com.  We researched all of them for hours on end to figure out how to best go about creating our time machine.  We had a table saw, a skill saw, lots of C clamps, and tons of enthusiasm.  We were ready.  

Originally, our idea was to build the TARDIS, use it to take the senior pictures, and then put it in the backyard by our pool.  To that end, the base wood was pressure treated to withstand the elements. The slant on the top of the boards was cut using our table saw.  From there, the four corner pieces went up.   

Now, there are official TARDIS blue prints out there.  With all the layering of wood that was done, the build would have cost at least triple what we spent, if not quadruple.  The layering is beautiful, but honestly, to us, not necessary.  We achieved the same effect doing the corner posts with one 2 x 4 and one 2 x 2.  We filled in the seam with wood putty and voila!  

We saved a ton on wood by ripping down bigger boards on the table saw to make the trim boards. Almost all of the trim work started out as a 2 x 4 or a 1 x 4.  We kept every scrap and used it somewhere else.  We started the build with about $150.00 worth of wood.  

Our only regret is that instead of using plywood, we built our TARDIS with particle board on the sides.  If we had to do it again, we would spend the extra dollars to get the plywood.  The upside?  I mudded the walls with wood filler, and it gave it this really cool "slightly beat up" effect.  The TARDIS is a couple thousand years old, after all.  But it was extra work we could have avoided if we had just bit the bullet and got the more expensive wood.  

The #11 TARDIS is pretty straightforward as far as measurements.  On each side, the corner pieces are 4 inches wide.  The main trim pieces are also 4 inches.   We were able to just use 1 x 4's to make the square panels.  A 0.5 x 2 inch strip was ripped to make the trim piece down the center.  We did purchase some quarter round trim to run down each side of the corner posts to finish it out nicely.  

After the trim was put up on all the sides, the windows were cut out.  In this pic, you can also see where I mudded the panels.  Again, a lot of work but it did produce a neat effect. 

One of our splurges was a good can of Behr exterior paint.  Now, everyone knows that the official TARDIS blue is Pantone 2955c.  Everyone here in the states also knows that it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get here.  Matt Smith blue best matches to the Behr color Sapphire Lace (in our humble opinion, of course).  However, our son wanted more of a David Tennant color.  Behr Southern Blue is closer to David Tennant's blue as it has more purple in the color.  

Building the light was tough on our budget.  Marine lanterns are expensive, y'all.  We tried to build one, and honestly ran out of time before we could get it to work.  Luckily, we found a lantern at a local store here that wasn't 100% correct but looked enough like David Tennant's top light that we could make it work.  

Another splurge we made was on our police box signs.  They are acrylic wrapped in black vinyl done by a local company, Infinite Designs.  They came out amazing and were worth every penny.  For the record, that is our very own Ms. Clara Oswin Oswald checking out the signs.  

The first coat of paint!  There would be two more of those before we were done.  The Behr paint did a great job with awesome coverage.  One can was enough, and we still have plenty left over for touch ups.  

When we got to this point in the build, we had had a few people ask us if they could use our TARDIS for their pictures.  It was then that we decided that we would not be keeping our TARDIS outside where it would get worn down by the weather.  We wanted it to stay just like it was!  This decision actually made making the top a lot easier.  

The top.  At first we were building the top out of treated plywood because we were putting it outside.  Now that we had decided not to do that, we could go with a lighter and less expensive option.  The slanted part of the roof is actually pressboard.  The frame for the roof is primarily 2 x 4's on the bottom row with 1 x 4's on the top row braced with 1 x 4's.  Little 1 x 4 and 1 x 3 blocks on each corner trim out the top of the TARDIS.  The hole in the center holds the light in place. We are going to be building a frame around the light that fits down into the center hole.  After the mudding was done, the roof was coated with two coats of clear primer. By the way, the main body of the TARDIS was also coated with clear primer.  

Final coat of paint.  We rolled it outside that day to finish painting.  Most TARDIS builds have the part behind the signs open, but ours is closed in and painted white.  Again, in the beginning it was supposed to be left outside.  We did it this way for stability.  Lights were put into the white area to light up the signs.  

Incidentally, we also built a huge (around 4.5 x 4.5 feet) furniture mover platform out of scrap wood  and an old rug that the TARDIS sits on for us to move it through time and space.  

The night before the deadline.  And by deadline, I mean our son was taking his pictures the next day.  We still needed to get the windows trimmed.  Funny story... the morning of picture day, my hubby was trimming out the inside of one of the windows when POP!  He drove a nail too close and split one of the pieces of window acrylic.  Luckily we have a building supply store not far from our home so he was able to run down and get another one.  

We found our door signs on Etsy.  The trim around the free for use of public sign is, you guessed it, pieces of scrap wood ripped down into 0.125 thick by 1 inch wide strips.  By the way, if you use Gorilla Glue, a little goes a long way.  Just saying.

Some cool extras that we added to our custom TARDIS...

It locks.  My hubby had an old deadbolt in his junk bucket and used a small block of wood on the inside to catch the locking mechanism.  If we want to get into the TARDIS, we have to ask our son for his key.

Another pic of the signs and the lock.

This is really cool.  We went back and forth trying to figure out what to do as far as the phone in the box.  Vintage phones are hard to find.  In the end, we decided to make the phone work.  How you ask?  We got an old phone base and painted it black and then purchased one of the new retro handsets that plug into a cell phone.  My son can put his cell phone behind the base and then plug the handset in, making his phone work.  Also, notice the little black box at the top of the phone box.  It's a battery operated blue tooth speaker that plays music from my son's cell phone....his Doctor Who Playlist, of course.  

Of course, we had to also have round things.  We do love the round things.

With the TARDIS done, it was time for his senior portraits.

I love it. 

After his senior portraits, we took his TARDIS to the fall festival at our church.  My son put on his Matt Smith cosplay, and he and Anna and Elsa prepared to run away through time and space.

So that's our TARDIS building experience.  We are going to build the frame for the light (we still have scrap wood), and I am going to go back and paint the round things on the inside instead of using the mirror decals.  They don't stick as well after a while.  

Total cost for build:  $400 to $450 

Time spent:  Two months but most of that was weekends

Son's face when he saw it finished:  PRICELESS

For now, our TARDIS sits in its parking space in our garage, waiting for its next adventure.  

Allons-Y!!

If you're still with me, thanks for reading!

Adventures in Organization....and Anniversaries

My anniversary is coming up this weekend.  My husband and I have been together 17 years!  I think that's pretty tremendous since we both have trouble committing to what we want for dinner every night.  I guess the saying is true....Opposites Schmopposites -- find someone just as screwed up as you are and settle down with them.  He's the perfect guy for me... meaning he always looks the other way when I do something incredibly stupid and pretty much never comments on it.  Good man.

For our anniversary this year, we gifted each other with some new living room furniture.  The store was running a great sale with 12 months same as cash, and we actually found something we liked.  Hubby bought it with the stipulation that I work to pay for it.

I know what you're thinking right now.  If I have to pay for it, how is it a gift?  Where does the word "gift" even come in?  Well, I'll tell you.  The gift in the situation is being able to sit down on a sofa without immediately falling through the middle and ending up in Narnia when all you wanted to do was relax and watch television.  And this isn't even the good Narnia with furry woodland creatures and hot Prince Caspian running around.  This Narnia is more like overgrown dust bunnies and leftover Cheetos and magical coins that have learned to sprout their own hair.

Which brings me to the organization part of this tale.  I work from home and keep it reasonably picked up for the most part (okay, that may be a lie, but technically we haven't lost any of the pets yet).  With the promise of new furniture and a nice fresh look in the house, I decided to take a little time every day this week picking one part of the house and cleaning it thoroughly.  This sounded like a wonderful idea.

Today was the master bathroom.  I have to say I wasn't quite prepared.

I've had a little time to process the events of that fateful hour now.  First of all, let me state for the record that I was successful in cleaning the master bathroom and obviously escaped with my life.

I am currently awaiting the World Health Organization as a new strand of bacteria has been discovered.  They have graciously agreed to call it Angiecillus Meadowsa.

I contacted the Gator Boys to come and remove the creature currently inhabiting my bidet.

I put bleach in my toilet, and it actually laughed at me.  I shoved a brush down its throat and sure showed it.

The mop is still currently standing on its own in the middle of the bathroom floor.  I'm not quite sure what's holding it up, but it looks angry and ready to fight.

The ring finally came off the tub, and it actually sighed with relief.  I figured it would be better not to look down the drain.

I cleaned all the junk off my cabinet and found another house with a family of six.

I did the right thing and notified the Department of Health.  They wrapped my home in yellow caution tape and are determining if the property should be condemned.

In short....please no one ever visit me.  I had no idea I was such a slob!

**********

Disclaimer:  It really wasn't that bad.  But I sure felt like it was.

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Clothes?

As I sit here at 11:30 p.m. contemplating going to bed for the night, I am reminded of one of my most frequently recurring dreams.  There are actually a few dreams that I find myself having over and over, so either I have something really heavy on my mind or I have a very limited imagination.  Or maybe my dream player is stuck.  Or maybe I should stop eating all those pickles....blasphemy I know.

In the dream, I find myself on the school bus, back in high school, or sitting in a classroom.  Sometimes I'm walking down the street or going out to dinner.  It will just be going about a normal routine.  Then I look down, and BOOM!

I'M NAKED!

Of course, I freak out and try to cover myself.  But this is the crazy part.  NO ONE NOTICES.

The next few parts of The Naked Dream usually include me running around and trying to find things to cover myself.  But they never stay there.  I find a shirt (usually a white button up -- go figure) and hastily put it on and pull it down to try my best to cover all my naughty parts.  Then I try to nonchalantly get to where I'm going so I can duck somewhere out of sight.  Suddenly, the shirt disappears.

AND STILL NO ONE NOTICES!

Yes, I've done the research on The Naked Dream.  It actually is a common dream experienced by a huge percentage of the population.  But that still doesn't keep me from freaking out in my dream every time I look down and realize all my Victoria Secret bits are out for everyone to see.

Dreams like The Naked Dream can symbolize that you are trying to hide something.  Or that you are insecure about something.  The part where no one notices can symbolize that your fears are unfounded.

I agree with that.  I do have a problem with being insecure.  I have horribly low self-esteem.  I agree I am trying to hide something in The Naked Dream -- besides trying to hide my buns and boobies from all the people around who aren't paying attention to them.  I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm so unsure about everything.

Come on, don't sit there in mid-scroll and tell me you've never had the naked dream.   Okay, maybe not, but have you ever been insecure or unsure about something?  Most of us have at least at some point.

*********

THINGS TO DO

1.  Find some boughs of holly and deck the halls with them.

2.  Give Rudolph some Benadryl because with that red nose he obviously has allergies.

3.  Teach the Little Drummer Boy a new cadence.  After all these years Dude could play for DCI with a little practice.

4.  Dream of a White Christmas (instead of a naked one).

5.  Do surveillance on Santa because he always be talkin bout his ho ho ho's.

Tis The Season

*Sung to Deck the Halls*

Tis the Season to run ragged, fa la la la la la la la la

Brains are fried and nerves are jagged, fa la la la la la la la la

Sales are everywhere for shopping, fa la la fa la la la la la

Christmas really has us hopping, fa la la la la la la la la

*******

I'm as guilty as the next person.  I get caught up in all the hullabaloo that is the Holiday Season just like everyone else.  The entire calender for the month of December is filled to the top of the blocks with things to be, places to do, and people to go.  Or is it people to be and things to go?  Or maybe places.....to people....with things?  Moving on....

A few days ago I was in a meeting and going over my calendar for the things I needed to get done before Christmas, and then it hit me.  I'm not in a meeting, and I'm actually talking to my desk lamp.  No wonder I didn't get interrupted as much as usual.  And here I thought things were going smoothly....

We get so caught up and running around and getting/making/stealing/re-gifting presents for the ones we love. Haven't we totally missed the point of Christmas?  I mean, baby Jesus didn't come into the world to save us from paying retail.  And during His ministry on Earth not once did Jesus say "Knock down people to buy three button Henley tees at Kohl's on black Friday because you can get two for the price of one."  Yep...missing the point.

The entire point of the whole thing is....

LOVE.

God loved us so much He sent His Son.  Jesus loved us so much He died for us.  Don't we need to spend this time remembering that?  And I don't mean love like the love we all have for our Apple products, even though that's some pretty intense love.  This is Amazing Love.  Selfless Love.  Pure, Unconditional.  If that iPhone breaks, we don't love it anymore.  God loves all of us, even if we're broken.

All joking aside, no matter what your personal preferences, remember why we celebrate our Holidays.  Here's a clue......it isn't to make the retail fat cats that much richer.

A Simple Eulogy

Oh water heater, dear water heater...I cannot express to you my grief at your passing.  I would gladly write you a poem, but I find myself unable to find words to rhyme with water heater.

You left us and you never said why.  You just poured out your gallons of tears upon our hearts and my son's bedroom carpet.  I never realized you loved video games so much that you would cry buckets over them.  It seems I really didn't know you at all.

You rusted away your life there on the far side of our attic, never once tentatively approaching us for help.  Why did you let it be too late, dear water heater?  Could we have saved you had we known the physical and mental deterioration you were going through?  Oh, if we had only known how far gone you really were.

We did truly love you and appreciate you, water heater.  You stood guard in the ceiling between bathrooms #2 and #3 like a mother fiercely guarding her children.  You took great pride in filling those pipes with steaming, hot bathing bliss for us for seven years.  Did you not realize how much we cared?  How we had that little rush of pleasure and thoughts of "ooh..heaven" when that cold water running through our hands while we were kneeling at the tub finally turned to warm, and then nice and hot?

I am so sorry, my faithful appliance.  Sorry we did not realize sooner the trouble you were in.  We didn't hear your mournful cry for help until it was too late.  Sorry you left without so much as saying goodbye.

********

Funeral Arrangements for Water Heater #3

Clean up of water followed by trash can placement to control dripping -- 10:00 p.m.

Attempt to drain #2 -- 10:30 p.m.

Cap off and attempt to drain....again.... -- 1:30 a.m.

Trip to Home Depot for parts -- 7 a.m.

Hopeful repair of most of the mess -- 9:30 a.m. until

Roadside final viewing immediately assuming the family can figure out how to get appliance out of ceiling

Confessions...

I decided a little over a week ago to blog about some recurring dreams I had had....because my dreams are crazy.  When I divulge these dirty secrets about my very active subconscious, there will be no doubt in the virtual world that I'm bonkers.

Since this particular blog is all about random fun and insanity, I say why not.  

In the spirit of why not, I want to share what happened to me this past week.  My son was in the hospital with his severe stomach complaints.  On Wednesday night, we got a scare.  His vitals started dropping lower than they should be.  With an Addisonian, these things have to be watched closely.  My hubs and I were already exhausted, having been in the ER in Mississippi all that Monday night and then first thing Tuesday morning being admitted to a hospital in Alabama.  

By this time, I was incoherent.  I was seeing double, and unless you are in a room with the Weasley twins, that's not a good thing.  My hubs told me to go lie down for a bit because he was wide awake and my son was going to need me later.  Feeling my way to the fold down bed, I laid down and cried myself to sleep for a quick nap.  

That's when things got weird.  

Worry can really do a number on your subconscious.  I started having these really vivid dreams.  It was not like the dreams I usually have.  I thought I was awake.  I was aware of everything going on in the room.  The nurse was coming in and out, and hubs was talking to her.  I could hear everything that was said.  I laid there for several minutes, thinking I just wasn't going to be able to go to sleep.  I decided to just get back up....

And that's when it happened.  

Something grabbed me.  It was so quick.  Before I could get up, something grabbed me by my feet and pulled me down the fold out bed.  I tried to grab the bed to keep myself from sliding off of it...except that I couldn't move.  My arms were pinned down.  I tried to scream but no sound came out.  I couldn't open my mouth.  It felt like I was being pulled down the edge of the bed by unseen hands like the girl was pulled down the stairs in Paranormal Activity 2.  

This went on for a couple of seconds.  

Thoughts were racing through my mind all of a sudden.  "Ghost?  This is a new hospital.  How can there be a ghost?  Wait, paranormal activity is kicked up with new construction......."  All this while I was trying to break away from the "thing" that was holding me down and dragging me off the bed.  Then, I did it... 

I opened my eyes.  

No jerking awake or moving at all....just my eyes opening and staring across the room where my husband and son were.  As my eyes opened, I could feel tingling all over.  Gradually, I regained my ability to move.  My heart rate slowed little by little, and I was back to normal.  

I hadn't been dragged down the bed at all.  It was all just a dream.  

From Wikipedia...

Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which people who are either falling asleep or awakening from sleep temporarily experience a sense of inability to move, similar to that which occurs when an arm or leg goes "to sleep", but not associated with numbness. More formally, it is a transition state between wakefulness and rest characterized by complete muscle atonia (muscle weakness). It is thought to be a result of disrupted REM sleep which is normally characterized by complete muscle atonia that prevents individuals from acting out their dreams. It can occur at sleep onset or upon awakening. Sleep paralysis has been linked to disorders such as narcolepsy, migraines, anxiety disorders.........

Just anxiety, you say?  It was just a night terror?  So, there isn't really some tortured soul trying to take me to the dark side and give me cookies?

Frankly, I would have rather just dreamed about the cookies.  

Things to do list

1.  Find out what a Skrillex is, and then ask him what he means by Bangarang.

2.  Have more facial expressions than Kristen Stewart.

3.  Decide to put a pink streak in my hair..and then chicken out.  

4.  Apologize for party rockin'.

5.  Learn a new language...I'm thinking elvish.  

Gimme an F! U! N! K!!

I'll get back to my lists in a day or two.  But right now...can I vent?

Why haven't I been posting my to do lists in the last little bit?  Because I haven't wanted to do anything.  Because I've been in a major FUNK.

And now you ask, what, pray tell, in the world is a funk? Well, a funk can mean different things to different people.  To me it is simply this...

F....feeling helpless and frustrated to the max
U....underappreciated by everyone
N....never catch a break
K....keep being a total failure

Okay, now you ask yourself..is this really true?  Of course not!  I'll be the first to admit that I overreact.

Now, pull up your lovely wingback chair here by the fire.  Here is a nice hot cup of tea and some delicious cookies served by none other than Henry Cavill himself who graciously offered to tend to us.  Wait, don't forget the dainty lace napkin!  Now, are we comfy?  Excellent.  Thank you, Henners...

.......

.......

Okay, I was distracted watching Mr. Cavill exit the room.  Now where was I?

Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows my youngest son has been ill for several years now.  I say this because for the longest it was all I talked about.  To anyone who would listen.  All the time.  I try not to talk about it as much anymore because, let's face it, everyone has their own problems.  Mine is not the only full plate around here.  But suffice it to say my plate has taken over my life.

Well, in essence, it has.

A few years ago, I had a career.  I worked all the time.  I was a workaholic.  I put my job before every other aspect of my life, sometimes at the expense of my family -- which was bad.  I don't know why I was so driven.  Maybe a fierce need to make someone proud of me?  It would take a whole lot of expensive therapy to know for sure, but I have a pretty good idea.

My son kept getting sicker over 2009 and 2010, and he finally was diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency in October of 2010.  In April of 2011, he collapsed at school and had to go homebound.  He has been totally homebound ever since.

When he went totally homebound, so did I.  I stepped down from my job and became a stay at home mom. I went from total workaholic to 100% caregiver.  Do I regret losing my career?  Heck no.  It is totally worth it.  My son comes first, always.  This is our life now, and I am thankful for it.  It has just been a little stressful lately because he has felt so bad.

Even with all the medication he takes (10 pills a day right now), he still has kept having these really bad stomach complaints.  He has had them the entire time,but they just seem to be getting worse.  We went to a new GI doctor all the way in Birmingham, Alabama, at UAB.  She is AWESOME.  We go back there next month for a three day stay in the children's hospital there for testing.  A healthy person can do this testing outpatient, but my son has to be monitored because of his adrenal insufficiency.

By the way, he's a trooper.  He handles all this like a champ.

Not like me.

Sometimes I get in my FUNK.

"It's my fault he's sick.  I obviously did something wrong to cause all this.  I'm not doing the right things to get him better.  Every time we take a step forward, we take two steps back.  And no one cares!!  No one cares!!  Why doesn't anyone care?!?!"

Pathetic, huh?

No wonder I went insane.  I try to make a habit out of staying positive, but then this FUNK comes back to drag me down.  The FUNK monster is an evil, nasty beastie who just wants to keep a black cloud over my head and do whatever he can to keep me from counting my blessings.  And we have lots of blessings!  They are everywhere we look.  Why can't I focus on that when the FUNK monster comes calling?  It's not like I see him coming and throw my arms out and start running to welcome him..... is it?  Do I welcome the FUNK monster?  

No.  I'm sick of the FUNK.

I'mma load my positivity gun with FUNK grade ammunition and blast that FUNK monster the next time he comes the FUNK around.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wanted to be someone else just for a little while?  You know, just for kicks and giggles?  Sometimes I try to think about it.  If I were given the chance to be someone, fictional or not, who I would be?  It makes me think about that old show, Quantum Leap, where the guy would jump into someone's life for an episode and fix whatever problem they were going through.  There are so many possibilities.  

The best choice for me, I think, would be Angelina Jolie -- because we share the same nickname (Angie) AND we have the same birthday  (June 5).  And it sure wouldn't hurt to look like Angelina for a little while, you know, just for kicks and giggles.   

In the end, though, I would want to go back to being me fairly quickly.  I mean, who else can be me better than I can?  And really, who else can I trust to get all my to do list done?

Things to do list for today:

1.  Throw my hands in the air sometimes and say ayo.......so I can let go.  

2.   Solve mystery of the disappearing sock from the washing machine....get Sherlock Holmes on speed dial. 

3.  "Borrow" Starburst fruit chews from my son's bedroom...blame other son.  

4.  Find the Grand Canyon....in the mirror.....before I put moisturizer on said canyon.

5.  Do the hokey pokey and turn myself around...because that's what it's all about.  

Better late than never?

It's never too late to dust off your keyboard, crack your knuckles, bite off that aggravating cuticle that's been bugging you all day, and type up a  To Do List.

1.  Keep the wiener dog out of the cat food bowl...OR DIE TRYING.

2.  Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop......so that the world can finally know.

3.  Get on a crowded elevator and speak only in Klingon.

4.  Find that little leprechaun and get after his Lucky Charms.

5.  Outswim Michael Phelps.  Remember to make payments on submarine used for outswimming Michael Phelps.

and just for fun......

6.    Search out whoever decided it would be awesome to put the Kardashians on television...and commit severe bodily harm to them.

Attitude is Everything

This morning, I gazed out over my lands with a sense of pride.  (I walked into the kitchen and was happy it was clean)  Surely no man has a kingdom as glorious as this!

After a calm and steadying breath, I mentally prepared myself for the fight ahead.  (I got caffeine) Keeping an eye out for any spies lurking in the shadows, (the dog) I then made my way carefully to the battlefield.  (I went to the office)

I quickly mount my faithful steed (chair) and grab my royal sword and shield (keyboard and mouse).  With my most terrifying war cry (yawn), I surge forward and prepare to attack my dark enemies lurking in the evil Kingdom of Cardiology!  (I start typing my heart doctor).    

Attitude is everything!

To Do List for today...

1.  Climb Mount Everest.  

2.  Name my stepladder "Mount Everest."  Remember to do that before I climb it.  

3.  Change my looks so I no longer resemble Granted -- because I'm tired of being (mis)taken for Granted. 

4.  Ponder the question..."is there a such thing as gluten-free gluten?"

5.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  

Simple explanation.

If anyone reading this blog wonders why I all of a sudden decided to do these random, funny (or trying to be funny) posts, it's very simple, really.  When life gives you lemons, you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Now, what can I get up to today?

Things to do 08/09/12

1.  Sneak into my oldest son's room and move a guitar one inch to the left.  Then be sure to have popcorn in hand when the explosion happens when he gets home.

2.  Email my husband with my number....so he can call me maybe.

3.  Polish Thor's armor.  If Thor is in it, even better.

4.  Find out if that weird noise in the house at night really is the 9th horcrux as I suspect.

5.  Give myself a paper cut and see if Jasper shows up.

To Do List for 08/07/12

1.  Get the Ring to Mordor.

2.  Get Darth Vader on Maury Povich and tell him he is NOT the father.

3.  Look at the pictures, pens, lamp, and speakers on my computer desk and say "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today....."

4. Write Primrose Everdeen on a piece of paper and get my son to read it so I can volunteer as tribute.  

5.  Take the scissors outside, lay them on the ground, and then close them -- so I can tell my husband I cut the grass today.

Finally...Some Direction

I made a list of random things to do today...

1.  Scare Jordan with my rendition of Little Orphan Annie's Tomorrow..loudly.  

2.  Stare into the mirror and then suddenly scream "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!"

3.  Paint my keyboard with clear nail polish because (1) it keeps my letters on the keys, and (2)  it's SPARKLY!

4.  Listen to a new pop song that DOES NOT have Pitbull in it..if I can find one.

5.  Do the Safety Dance.  Because we all know we like to dance the Safety Dance in secret.

Chocolate Celexa

Today has been one of those days.  You know the one I'm talking about.  Where one thing after another keeps happening to keep you in a total funk.  My husband's paycheck got docked a WEEK's pay because they did not get his time turned in by the deadline.  Oh we'll just put it on the next check they say...IN TWO WEEKS.  Okay so in the meantime what do we do?  Huh, Corporate America?  Huh?  Do we not eat for the next two weeks?  Okay maybe that is a little extremist, but you get the gist of my mood when I found out this little tidbit of information.  Then my car gets hit in the back while I'm waiting at the gas station.  I have to say I feel bad now because I came out of that car swinging.  The man was so apologetic and I showed him no mercy for a few minutes.  He asked how I was doing, and I was like "I'm hit, how are YOU?"  in the bitchiest tone I have at my arsenal.  I did eventually calm down as we were exchanging information and was nicer to him toward the end, but I still wish I had handled that differently.  The poor man accidentally hit me.  He didn't go into that parking lot thinking to himself "I'm gonna hit someone right now!"  He certainly had no idea that I was having a bad day and the up close encounter with the back of his truck topped it off.  I wish I could take back my attitude now.

When I started my Ideal Protein diet, I decided to wean off Celexa.  I had been on the antidepressant since last October.  I lost my dad back in May after a massive stroke and I was having trouble with anxiety and depression.  I started gaining weight, and my diet doctor told me it may have been due in part to the medication.

I weaned off the Celexa a couple of weeks ago, and now it seems the medication is totally out of my system.  Boy, can I tell it.  I snap at the drop of a hat now.  Drop two hats, and your arse is mine.

I don't think it helps that I am on the diet.  I am an emotional eater.  After the guy hit me today, I wanted to go to the Dairy Queen and get the biggest chocolaty-est blizzard they had and bury my face in it.  I came so close!  haha  Instead, I finished my shopping and came home and grabbed some dill pickles to snack on.  Where the heck that willpower came from, I have no idea.  Still totally on track for Ideal Protein today.

So here's my dilemma......Do I admit defeat and get back on the Celexa?  I want to believe I can be a strong enough person to deal with my emotions now on my own.  I can do this.  I have to do this.  Don't get me wrong.  There's nothing wrong with being on an antidepressant whatsoever.  I just really want to work hard on detoxifying my body, my mind, my soul.  The one thing about not being on the Celexa is..this is me, warts and all.  I feel like I need to be working more on me and learning to deal with my moods myself.

Of am I doing myself a disservice?  Should I welcome the help that the Celexa gives me in keeping me leveled out?  It would be so much easier to just go back on it and have that help.  Of course, weight gain is always an issue that has to be continuously addressed.  When I gain too much weight my blood pressure goes wonky.

Decisions, decisions, decisions....

By the way, if the poor man who hit me today ever reads this, I am so sorry I was such a witch to you.

Ranch Dressing

Sometimes, people really tick me off.  I'm a do what I say I'm going to do type person.  All I ask is that I get the same respect.  Is that too much to expect from people?  Evidently so.

With that out of the way, I went to the Ideal Protein doc today and actually gained 0.4 of a pound.  It was so depressing!  I know I know, I was on vacation last week and I didn't stick to it, etc.  And honestly 0.4 is really not that bad, but I tell you it can really be disappointing for the scale to move up instead of down, no matter how much it does.

Here is the lowdown on Ideal Protein.  It is similar to Medifast in that you have three Ideal Protein meals a day plus a healthy lean and green meal.  You are not allowed to have bread, pasta, dairy, or fruit.  You have a specific list of vegetables you can eat.  It's hard sometimes to stick to, because I am a total carb person.  I could take a bath in dairy and smear my face with bread and pasta.  I would pour ranch dressing on dirt and eat it.  I would take a hostage for an ice cream sundae.  And don't even get me started on what I would do for a Klondike bar.

Definite lifestyle changes going on here.  Honestly, it's been a long time coming.

Hey there..

I bet with a name like Fried Dill Pickles you don't know what to expect, right?  Well, neither do I.  I've begun a journey..to lose weight, to work on my bucket list, to be a positive influence on my family.  How do I do that?  No effing idea.  But I'm working on it.  And that, my friends, is the first step.

I am currently a patient in the Ideal Protein program with my local doctor.  Learn more about Ideal Protein at IdealProtein dot com.