Gimme an F! U! N! K!!

I'll get back to my lists in a day or two.  But right now...can I vent?

Why haven't I been posting my to do lists in the last little bit?  Because I haven't wanted to do anything.  Because I've been in a major FUNK.

And now you ask, what, pray tell, in the world is a funk? Well, a funk can mean different things to different people.  To me it is simply this...

F....feeling helpless and frustrated to the max
U....underappreciated by everyone
N....never catch a break
K....keep being a total failure

Okay, now you ask yourself..is this really true?  Of course not!  I'll be the first to admit that I overreact.

Now, pull up your lovely wingback chair here by the fire.  Here is a nice hot cup of tea and some delicious cookies served by none other than Henry Cavill himself who graciously offered to tend to us.  Wait, don't forget the dainty lace napkin!  Now, are we comfy?  Excellent.  Thank you, Henners...

.......

.......

Okay, I was distracted watching Mr. Cavill exit the room.  Now where was I?

Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows my youngest son has been ill for several years now.  I say this because for the longest it was all I talked about.  To anyone who would listen.  All the time.  I try not to talk about it as much anymore because, let's face it, everyone has their own problems.  Mine is not the only full plate around here.  But suffice it to say my plate has taken over my life.

Well, in essence, it has.

A few years ago, I had a career.  I worked all the time.  I was a workaholic.  I put my job before every other aspect of my life, sometimes at the expense of my family -- which was bad.  I don't know why I was so driven.  Maybe a fierce need to make someone proud of me?  It would take a whole lot of expensive therapy to know for sure, but I have a pretty good idea.

My son kept getting sicker over 2009 and 2010, and he finally was diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency in October of 2010.  In April of 2011, he collapsed at school and had to go homebound.  He has been totally homebound ever since.

When he went totally homebound, so did I.  I stepped down from my job and became a stay at home mom. I went from total workaholic to 100% caregiver.  Do I regret losing my career?  Heck no.  It is totally worth it.  My son comes first, always.  This is our life now, and I am thankful for it.  It has just been a little stressful lately because he has felt so bad.

Even with all the medication he takes (10 pills a day right now), he still has kept having these really bad stomach complaints.  He has had them the entire time,but they just seem to be getting worse.  We went to a new GI doctor all the way in Birmingham, Alabama, at UAB.  She is AWESOME.  We go back there next month for a three day stay in the children's hospital there for testing.  A healthy person can do this testing outpatient, but my son has to be monitored because of his adrenal insufficiency.

By the way, he's a trooper.  He handles all this like a champ.

Not like me.

Sometimes I get in my FUNK.

"It's my fault he's sick.  I obviously did something wrong to cause all this.  I'm not doing the right things to get him better.  Every time we take a step forward, we take two steps back.  And no one cares!!  No one cares!!  Why doesn't anyone care?!?!"

Pathetic, huh?

No wonder I went insane.  I try to make a habit out of staying positive, but then this FUNK comes back to drag me down.  The FUNK monster is an evil, nasty beastie who just wants to keep a black cloud over my head and do whatever he can to keep me from counting my blessings.  And we have lots of blessings!  They are everywhere we look.  Why can't I focus on that when the FUNK monster comes calling?  It's not like I see him coming and throw my arms out and start running to welcome him..... is it?  Do I welcome the FUNK monster?  

No.  I'm sick of the FUNK.

I'mma load my positivity gun with FUNK grade ammunition and blast that FUNK monster the next time he comes the FUNK around.