Gimme an F! U! N! K!!

I'll get back to my lists in a day or two.  But right now...can I vent?

Why haven't I been posting my to do lists in the last little bit?  Because I haven't wanted to do anything.  Because I've been in a major FUNK.

And now you ask, what, pray tell, in the world is a funk? Well, a funk can mean different things to different people.  To me it is simply this...

F....feeling helpless and frustrated to the max
U....underappreciated by everyone
N....never catch a break
K....keep being a total failure

Okay, now you ask yourself..is this really true?  Of course not!  I'll be the first to admit that I overreact.

Now, pull up your lovely wingback chair here by the fire.  Here is a nice hot cup of tea and some delicious cookies served by none other than Henry Cavill himself who graciously offered to tend to us.  Wait, don't forget the dainty lace napkin!  Now, are we comfy?  Excellent.  Thank you, Henners...

.......

.......

Okay, I was distracted watching Mr. Cavill exit the room.  Now where was I?

Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows my youngest son has been ill for several years now.  I say this because for the longest it was all I talked about.  To anyone who would listen.  All the time.  I try not to talk about it as much anymore because, let's face it, everyone has their own problems.  Mine is not the only full plate around here.  But suffice it to say my plate has taken over my life.

Well, in essence, it has.

A few years ago, I had a career.  I worked all the time.  I was a workaholic.  I put my job before every other aspect of my life, sometimes at the expense of my family -- which was bad.  I don't know why I was so driven.  Maybe a fierce need to make someone proud of me?  It would take a whole lot of expensive therapy to know for sure, but I have a pretty good idea.

My son kept getting sicker over 2009 and 2010, and he finally was diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency in October of 2010.  In April of 2011, he collapsed at school and had to go homebound.  He has been totally homebound ever since.

When he went totally homebound, so did I.  I stepped down from my job and became a stay at home mom. I went from total workaholic to 100% caregiver.  Do I regret losing my career?  Heck no.  It is totally worth it.  My son comes first, always.  This is our life now, and I am thankful for it.  It has just been a little stressful lately because he has felt so bad.

Even with all the medication he takes (10 pills a day right now), he still has kept having these really bad stomach complaints.  He has had them the entire time,but they just seem to be getting worse.  We went to a new GI doctor all the way in Birmingham, Alabama, at UAB.  She is AWESOME.  We go back there next month for a three day stay in the children's hospital there for testing.  A healthy person can do this testing outpatient, but my son has to be monitored because of his adrenal insufficiency.

By the way, he's a trooper.  He handles all this like a champ.

Not like me.

Sometimes I get in my FUNK.

"It's my fault he's sick.  I obviously did something wrong to cause all this.  I'm not doing the right things to get him better.  Every time we take a step forward, we take two steps back.  And no one cares!!  No one cares!!  Why doesn't anyone care?!?!"

Pathetic, huh?

No wonder I went insane.  I try to make a habit out of staying positive, but then this FUNK comes back to drag me down.  The FUNK monster is an evil, nasty beastie who just wants to keep a black cloud over my head and do whatever he can to keep me from counting my blessings.  And we have lots of blessings!  They are everywhere we look.  Why can't I focus on that when the FUNK monster comes calling?  It's not like I see him coming and throw my arms out and start running to welcome him..... is it?  Do I welcome the FUNK monster?  

No.  I'm sick of the FUNK.

I'mma load my positivity gun with FUNK grade ammunition and blast that FUNK monster the next time he comes the FUNK around.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wanted to be someone else just for a little while?  You know, just for kicks and giggles?  Sometimes I try to think about it.  If I were given the chance to be someone, fictional or not, who I would be?  It makes me think about that old show, Quantum Leap, where the guy would jump into someone's life for an episode and fix whatever problem they were going through.  There are so many possibilities.  

The best choice for me, I think, would be Angelina Jolie -- because we share the same nickname (Angie) AND we have the same birthday  (June 5).  And it sure wouldn't hurt to look like Angelina for a little while, you know, just for kicks and giggles.   

In the end, though, I would want to go back to being me fairly quickly.  I mean, who else can be me better than I can?  And really, who else can I trust to get all my to do list done?

Things to do list for today:

1.  Throw my hands in the air sometimes and say ayo.......so I can let go.  

2.   Solve mystery of the disappearing sock from the washing machine....get Sherlock Holmes on speed dial. 

3.  "Borrow" Starburst fruit chews from my son's bedroom...blame other son.  

4.  Find the Grand Canyon....in the mirror.....before I put moisturizer on said canyon.

5.  Do the hokey pokey and turn myself around...because that's what it's all about.  

Better late than never?

It's never too late to dust off your keyboard, crack your knuckles, bite off that aggravating cuticle that's been bugging you all day, and type up a  To Do List.

1.  Keep the wiener dog out of the cat food bowl...OR DIE TRYING.

2.  Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop......so that the world can finally know.

3.  Get on a crowded elevator and speak only in Klingon.

4.  Find that little leprechaun and get after his Lucky Charms.

5.  Outswim Michael Phelps.  Remember to make payments on submarine used for outswimming Michael Phelps.

and just for fun......

6.    Search out whoever decided it would be awesome to put the Kardashians on television...and commit severe bodily harm to them.

Attitude is Everything

This morning, I gazed out over my lands with a sense of pride.  (I walked into the kitchen and was happy it was clean)  Surely no man has a kingdom as glorious as this!

After a calm and steadying breath, I mentally prepared myself for the fight ahead.  (I got caffeine) Keeping an eye out for any spies lurking in the shadows, (the dog) I then made my way carefully to the battlefield.  (I went to the office)

I quickly mount my faithful steed (chair) and grab my royal sword and shield (keyboard and mouse).  With my most terrifying war cry (yawn), I surge forward and prepare to attack my dark enemies lurking in the evil Kingdom of Cardiology!  (I start typing my heart doctor).    

Attitude is everything!

To Do List for today...

1.  Climb Mount Everest.  

2.  Name my stepladder "Mount Everest."  Remember to do that before I climb it.  

3.  Change my looks so I no longer resemble Granted -- because I'm tired of being (mis)taken for Granted. 

4.  Ponder the question..."is there a such thing as gluten-free gluten?"

5.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  

Simple explanation.

If anyone reading this blog wonders why I all of a sudden decided to do these random, funny (or trying to be funny) posts, it's very simple, really.  When life gives you lemons, you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Now, what can I get up to today?

Things to do 08/09/12

1.  Sneak into my oldest son's room and move a guitar one inch to the left.  Then be sure to have popcorn in hand when the explosion happens when he gets home.

2.  Email my husband with my number....so he can call me maybe.

3.  Polish Thor's armor.  If Thor is in it, even better.

4.  Find out if that weird noise in the house at night really is the 9th horcrux as I suspect.

5.  Give myself a paper cut and see if Jasper shows up.

To Do List for 08/07/12

1.  Get the Ring to Mordor.

2.  Get Darth Vader on Maury Povich and tell him he is NOT the father.

3.  Look at the pictures, pens, lamp, and speakers on my computer desk and say "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today....."

4. Write Primrose Everdeen on a piece of paper and get my son to read it so I can volunteer as tribute.  

5.  Take the scissors outside, lay them on the ground, and then close them -- so I can tell my husband I cut the grass today.

Finally...Some Direction

I made a list of random things to do today...

1.  Scare Jordan with my rendition of Little Orphan Annie's Tomorrow..loudly.  

2.  Stare into the mirror and then suddenly scream "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!"

3.  Paint my keyboard with clear nail polish because (1) it keeps my letters on the keys, and (2)  it's SPARKLY!

4.  Listen to a new pop song that DOES NOT have Pitbull in it..if I can find one.

5.  Do the Safety Dance.  Because we all know we like to dance the Safety Dance in secret.