As I sit here at 11:30 p.m. contemplating going to bed for the night, I am reminded of one of my most frequently recurring dreams. There are actually a few dreams that I find myself having over and over, so either I have something really heavy on my mind or I have a very limited imagination. Or maybe my dream player is stuck. Or maybe I should stop eating all those pickles....blasphemy I know.
In the dream, I find myself on the school bus, back in high school, or sitting in a classroom. Sometimes I'm walking down the street or going out to dinner. It will just be going about a normal routine. Then I look down, and BOOM!
I'M NAKED!
Of course, I freak out and try to cover myself. But this is the crazy part. NO ONE NOTICES.
The next few parts of The Naked Dream usually include me running around and trying to find things to cover myself. But they never stay there. I find a shirt (usually a white button up -- go figure) and hastily put it on and pull it down to try my best to cover all my naughty parts. Then I try to nonchalantly get to where I'm going so I can duck somewhere out of sight. Suddenly, the shirt disappears.
AND STILL NO ONE NOTICES!
Yes, I've done the research on The Naked Dream. It actually is a common dream experienced by a huge percentage of the population. But that still doesn't keep me from freaking out in my dream every time I look down and realize all my Victoria Secret bits are out for everyone to see.
Dreams like The Naked Dream can symbolize that you are trying to hide something. Or that you are insecure about something. The part where no one notices can symbolize that your fears are unfounded.
I agree with that. I do have a problem with being insecure. I have horribly low self-esteem. I agree I am trying to hide something in The Naked Dream -- besides trying to hide my buns and boobies from all the people around who aren't paying attention to them. I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm so unsure about everything.
Come on, don't sit there in mid-scroll and tell me you've never had the naked dream. Okay, maybe not, but have you ever been insecure or unsure about something? Most of us have at least at some point.
*********
THINGS TO DO
1. Find some boughs of holly and deck the halls with them.
2. Give Rudolph some Benadryl because with that red nose he obviously has allergies.
3. Teach the Little Drummer Boy a new cadence. After all these years Dude could play for DCI with a little practice.
4. Dream of a White Christmas (instead of a naked one).
5. Do surveillance on Santa because he always be talkin bout his ho ho ho's.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tis The Season
*Sung to Deck the Halls*
Tis the Season to run ragged, fa la la la la la la la la
Brains are fried and nerves are jagged, fa la la la la la la la la
Sales are everywhere for shopping, fa la la fa la la la la la
Christmas really has us hopping, fa la la la la la la la la
*******
I'm as guilty as the next person. I get caught up in all the hullabaloo that is the Holiday Season just like everyone else. The entire calender for the month of December is filled to the top of the blocks with things to be, places to do, and people to go. Or is it people to be and things to go? Or maybe places.....to people....with things? Moving on....
A few days ago I was in a meeting and going over my calendar for the things I needed to get done before Christmas, and then it hit me. I'm not in a meeting, and I'm actually talking to my desk lamp. No wonder I didn't get interrupted as much as usual. And here I thought things were going smoothly....
We get so caught up and running around and getting/making/stealing/re-gifting presents for the ones we love. Haven't we totally missed the point of Christmas? I mean, baby Jesus didn't come into the world to save us from paying retail. And during His ministry on Earth not once did Jesus say "Knock down people to buy three button Henley tees at Kohl's on black Friday because you can get two for the price of one." Yep...missing the point.
The entire point of the whole thing is....
LOVE.
God loved us so much He sent His Son. Jesus loved us so much He died for us. Don't we need to spend this time remembering that? And I don't mean love like the love we all have for our Apple products, even though that's some pretty intense love. This is Amazing Love. Selfless Love. Pure, Unconditional. If that iPhone breaks, we don't love it anymore. God loves all of us, even if we're broken.
All joking aside, no matter what your personal preferences, remember why we celebrate our Holidays. Here's a clue......it isn't to make the retail fat cats that much richer.
Tis the Season to run ragged, fa la la la la la la la la
Brains are fried and nerves are jagged, fa la la la la la la la la
Sales are everywhere for shopping, fa la la fa la la la la la
Christmas really has us hopping, fa la la la la la la la la
*******
I'm as guilty as the next person. I get caught up in all the hullabaloo that is the Holiday Season just like everyone else. The entire calender for the month of December is filled to the top of the blocks with things to be, places to do, and people to go. Or is it people to be and things to go? Or maybe places.....to people....with things? Moving on....
A few days ago I was in a meeting and going over my calendar for the things I needed to get done before Christmas, and then it hit me. I'm not in a meeting, and I'm actually talking to my desk lamp. No wonder I didn't get interrupted as much as usual. And here I thought things were going smoothly....
We get so caught up and running around and getting/making/stealing/re-gifting presents for the ones we love. Haven't we totally missed the point of Christmas? I mean, baby Jesus didn't come into the world to save us from paying retail. And during His ministry on Earth not once did Jesus say "Knock down people to buy three button Henley tees at Kohl's on black Friday because you can get two for the price of one." Yep...missing the point.
The entire point of the whole thing is....
LOVE.
God loved us so much He sent His Son. Jesus loved us so much He died for us. Don't we need to spend this time remembering that? And I don't mean love like the love we all have for our Apple products, even though that's some pretty intense love. This is Amazing Love. Selfless Love. Pure, Unconditional. If that iPhone breaks, we don't love it anymore. God loves all of us, even if we're broken.
All joking aside, no matter what your personal preferences, remember why we celebrate our Holidays. Here's a clue......it isn't to make the retail fat cats that much richer.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
A Simple Eulogy
Oh water heater, dear water heater...I cannot express to you my grief at your passing. I would gladly write you a poem, but I find myself unable to find words to rhyme with water heater.
You left us and you never said why. You just poured out your gallons of tears upon our hearts and my son's bedroom carpet. I never realized you loved video games so much that you would cry buckets over them. It seems I really didn't know you at all.
You rusted away your life there on the far side of our attic, never once tentatively approaching us for help. Why did you let it be too late, dear water heater? Could we have saved you had we known the physical and mental deterioration you were going through? Oh, if we had only known how far gone you really were.
We did truly love you and appreciate you, water heater. You stood guard in the ceiling between bathrooms #2 and #3 like a mother fiercely guarding her children. You took great pride in filling those pipes with steaming, hot bathing bliss for us for seven years. Did you not realize how much we cared? How we had that little rush of pleasure and thoughts of "ooh..heaven" when that cold water running through our hands while we were kneeling at the tub finally turned to warm, and then nice and hot?
I am so sorry, my faithful appliance. Sorry we did not realize sooner the trouble you were in. We didn't hear your mournful cry for help until it was too late. Sorry you left without so much as saying goodbye.
********
Funeral Arrangements for Water Heater #3
Clean up of water followed by trash can placement to control dripping -- 10:00 p.m.
Attempt to drain #2 -- 10:30 p.m.
Cap off and attempt to drain....again.... -- 1:30 a.m.
Trip to Home Depot for parts -- 7 a.m.
Hopeful repair of most of the mess -- 9:30 a.m. until
Roadside final viewing immediately assuming the family can figure out how to get appliance out of ceiling
You left us and you never said why. You just poured out your gallons of tears upon our hearts and my son's bedroom carpet. I never realized you loved video games so much that you would cry buckets over them. It seems I really didn't know you at all.
You rusted away your life there on the far side of our attic, never once tentatively approaching us for help. Why did you let it be too late, dear water heater? Could we have saved you had we known the physical and mental deterioration you were going through? Oh, if we had only known how far gone you really were.
We did truly love you and appreciate you, water heater. You stood guard in the ceiling between bathrooms #2 and #3 like a mother fiercely guarding her children. You took great pride in filling those pipes with steaming, hot bathing bliss for us for seven years. Did you not realize how much we cared? How we had that little rush of pleasure and thoughts of "ooh..heaven" when that cold water running through our hands while we were kneeling at the tub finally turned to warm, and then nice and hot?
I am so sorry, my faithful appliance. Sorry we did not realize sooner the trouble you were in. We didn't hear your mournful cry for help until it was too late. Sorry you left without so much as saying goodbye.
********
Funeral Arrangements for Water Heater #3
Clean up of water followed by trash can placement to control dripping -- 10:00 p.m.
Attempt to drain #2 -- 10:30 p.m.
Cap off and attempt to drain....again.... -- 1:30 a.m.
Trip to Home Depot for parts -- 7 a.m.
Hopeful repair of most of the mess -- 9:30 a.m. until
Roadside final viewing immediately assuming the family can figure out how to get appliance out of ceiling
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